And This Is How We Swing.
A.W.

Sitting, him and me,
In a daffodil tree,
Swinging our worries away.
The long, curly branches,
Entangle our hearts,
And keep us there to stay.
We hang high and see,
The clouds through the leaves.
Passing by on this fine day.
The sun sprinkles light,
On this lovely sight,
And coming allows no delay.
I wish that we,
Could linger and be,
People with no dismay.
But time sadly allows,
Our feet to arouse,
We can no longer sit and play.
But before we go,
Our heads hanging low,
Allow one last swing for the way.

And this is how we swing.

Golly, it certainly has been a while since I've posted. I've been inspired to post so I guess I'll go ahead and do that, even though I'm not quite certain what I'm even posting. Anyhow.

Chrismas vacation sure has been relaxing. Although, I was very sick this morning (which is never any fun). There really isn't much I can post about this that you may actually want to know, so I think I'll wrap up this one.

I watched The Island last night. It has been officially ranked number four on my "Top 10 Greatest Movies" list. I highly recommend the movie to any who haven't seen it.

My dad made a shelving unit for my room this morning while I was busy being sick. It was nice to walk into my room and see a spiffy shelving unit right next to my bunk. It will be lovely to be able to hold a drink while in bed and finally have a place to put it when I don't feel like holding it any longer. Ah, the good life.

So, now for the most stunning news of all. I got my hair cut. Yes, I did say "hair cut." And no, I don't mean just a trim. It's quite short compared to the length it was before, and I'm rather pleased. I now have bangs (gasp). Don't worry, though. They aren't big and puffy, they are pretty sweep bangs that look alright on my forehead, surprisingly enough. I also have layers. What a pleasant change from the mundane, wouldn't you say?

Tomorrow I'm leaving for West Virginia. It turns out I'll be spending New Years with my grandmom. That's alright though, because I'll have a gorgeous view of the stars in the sky while I go to visit.

I hope everyone is doing well; I know some of you are- which I'm elated to hear. I've missed posting and it's been good for me to write about silly things. Thanks for those of you who have actually taken the time to read this, I realize it must have been pretty daft.

--Redneck-- 1] Do you believe the South will rise again? No 2] Do you drive a four-wheel drive automobile? Yeah (four-wheeler) 3] Do you live in a mobile home? No 4] Is your car still primer gray? Haha, nah. 5] Do you like country music? Nope 6] Do you have a broken car in your back yard? No, my mom is too obssessive compulsive for something like that (just kidding!). 7] Do you own a cowboy hat? No 8] Do you live on more then 2 acres? No 9] Do you have more then four different animals at your home? No, Abby would go nuts. TOTAL YES: 1 --Goth-- 1] Do you wear black eyeliner?: Who doesn't? 2] Is most of your clothing dark?: No, just some of it. 3] Do you think about death often?: No, I only wonder about it sometimes. 4] Do you want to die?: No 5] Are you a social outcast?: I don't think so. 6] Are you pale?: :D 7] Do you like Hot Topic?: They have some good band tees, but overall, no. 8] Do you enjoy Tim burton movies?: No, A Nightmare Before Christmas wigged me out some. 9] Are you nice?: Yeah Total YES: 3 --Skater Punk-- 1] Can you skateboard?: Yeah! 2] Do you wear Vans?: No 3] Do you do stupid stuff with your friends? All the time. 4] Have you gotten in trouble with the po-po? I am not authorized to say (haha). 5] Do you watch The X-Games? No 6] Do you have any piercings?: Not currently. 7] Do you like/wear mohawks? Nah 8] Do you wear Band t-shirts: No, but I like them. 9] Have you called someone a poser?: Yeah Total YES: 3 --Prep-- 1] Do you say the word "like": Yeah, who doesn't? 2] Do you shop at Abercrombie and Fitch?: No, but I like it. 3] Do you pop the collar?: No 4] Do the people in Hot topic scare you?: Some of them do, but most of them are alright. 5] Is the only nerd you like Seth Cohen? I don't even know who that is. 6] Do you watch Laguna Beach? Nope 7] Do you like pop music: Nope 8] Do you want/have a little dog?: Yes Total YES: 2 --Hippie-- 1] Is your hair long?- Yeah 2] Do you own a tye-dye shirt?: I wish! 3] Do you want peace?: Yes, but I understand war needs to happen, too. 4] Do you want to save the animals?: Yes 5] Do you think war is unneccesary?: No 6] Is love essential in your life?: Yes 7] Have you smoked pot?: No 8] Do you like classic rock and trippy music? Yes! Total YES: 5 --Gangsta-- 1] Do you act ghetto?: FOR SHIZZLE 2] Do you wear do-rags?: No 3] Do you like hip-hop? I like Toby Mac. 4] Was Tupac truly the greatest rapper in the world?: Nope 5] Do you believe he's alive?: Haha, are you serious? 6] Do you like afros?: Yeah 7] Have you ever said "Fo Shizzle"?: FO SHIZZLE! 8] Do you like to dance?: Yes! 9] Do you own any Baby Phat or G-Unit: Nope Total YES: 3 --Emo-- 1] Do you cry often?: Only when I laugh, when I'm sad, when I am watching TV (they tear), and pretty much any time in between. 2] Do you wear hoodies: Yeah 3] Do you like soft music: Yeah 4] Do people not understand you?: No, people do. 5] Do you write your own songs?: No 6] Ever dyed your hair red, black or dark: Yes 7] Do you cut your hair: I have once. 8] Are you lonely: No  9] Is Ohio for lovers?: No, Virginia, silly. Total YES: 4 --Surfer-- 1] Do you surf?: I wish! 2] Do you wear flip flops year-round?: Yes, to ballet and such. 3] Is your hair shaggy?: No, I have hippie hair, silly. 4] Do you wake up before 6 every morning?: No 5] Do you own any pairs of shorts?: Yeah 6] Are you tan?: No 8] Do you want to be at the beach right now?: Yeah 9] Do you hate tourists?: Why would I hate them? Most of the time I am one. Total YES: 3 --Geek-- 1] Do you wear glasses: Tim's 2] Do you get good grades?: For the most part, yeah. 3] Do you use an inhaler?: I used Andrew's once; it was under his bed for like, a year. 4] Do you stick pens and calculators into your shirt pockets? Sometimes. 5] Does your mom pick out your clothes: I pick out hers. 6] Do you ever get picked on?: Yeah 7] Do you look forward to go to school?: Yeah 8] Are you shy around the opposite sex?: Sometimes 9] Do you have braces?: Nope Toatal YES: 3 I guess I am a little piece of everything, but mainly hippie. :D

So what if now is all you have?
Live as if you never knew what it was to lose ...

It's really easy to listen to lyrics and the only reason for posting them is because a good melody is attached. Well, that's true of these lyrics, too. But I wouldn't have posted them if I didn't want to tell someone that these lyrics mean something to me. Isn't that the reason we all post lyrics on our xangas? We want to show people a part of us they didn't notice before, we want them to feel things the way we do through our music, our melodies, our lyrics, hoping maybe they'll understand us a little better. Maybe they'll begin to understand our perspectives on things.

Well, I was thinking ... what if now really is all I have left? What if in five minutes I die of an anuerism or something? People say, "don't talk like that," but it's a reality - or was a reality - to the people who actually died that way, and they didn't even expect it. It reminds me of how short life really is, but I always forget about the long run when I am with my friends or family. I don't treasure those moments. I am too busy caught up in them to even notice.

What if I actually lived like I'd never lost anything? I wonder how much different my life would be. I probably would've made my way around half the world by now.

What about that chance I had to go to Russia? No, I probably would've gotten sick, just like I did in Haiti. Plus, I don't have the money and not enough time to raise it, maybe later on down the road.

What if I hadn't thought those things? What if I had more courage to live as if there truly was nothing at stake? I bet I would've gone in a heartbeat.

It's my limitations that keep me here, but the sad thing is, the limitations are only in my mind. Nothing is phsycially binding me, which is such a blessing that I continually take for granted every day of my life.

What if I couldn't hear? I would never be able to listen to a guitar lick, I'd never be able to experience a drum solo, I would never know what my own voice sounded like (if I could even talk), and I'd never know how letters really sounded.

If I couldn't see? I'd never be able to see the one I loved, I'd never know what colors were, I could only know the dictionary definition. I would never be able to mix paints on a canvas.

What about if I had 40 operations because I was caught in a fire? You wouldn't want to look at me then, would you? Appreciating things as little as our skin, is something some people would kill to get back.

What would I really be talking about if I only knew how long I had left to live? I bet it wouldn't be about my date to the ring banquet, or the drama going on between so-and-so and that other kid. I'd probably be talking about things that actually mattered.

But no, I can't perceive the concept of dying. It's too far away for me because I'm so young (even though babies die everyday from being premature and plenty of other things). Maybe when it actually starts getting close, then maybe I'll begin to take it seriously.

But ... I want to take it seriously now, so I don't regret the things I am doing (or aren't doing) while I am still 15.

What will I have to do to understand how much life is like a passing moment?

What would I have said to the ones I spent so long procrastinating what I really wanted to say?

How much would my life be different?

I don't know. I just don't know.

Well, I should probably write something. I've been thinking a lot lately, if that counts for much.

un-der-dog (n.): 1. a loser or predicted loser in a struggle or a contest 2. a victim of injustice or persecution

rev-o-lu-tion-ar-y (adj.): 1. marked by or resulting in radical change
synonyms of rev-o-lu-tion-ar-y: die-hard, fanatic, zealot, catalyst, instigator, extremist

Nobody seems to understand what those words mean. Even if they do, they don't consider them. I don't consider them, not the way I wish I did.

And by the way, I'm not preaching to anyone, I am not condemning anyone, and I am certainly not judging anyone. My posts aren't for show and I am definitely not looking for anyone else's opinion or approval. This isn't some Sunday morning ritual where I can get my fix of God for the week and not speak His name until next Sunday when I need my fix, again.

No.

Please don't assume I am like everyone else you think is a "good Christian", cause if you look closer, I'm not. I believe in things people don't even dare to speak about, and guess what? I get shot down for believing those things everyday, just like some of you reading this.

Yes, I do follow the do's and dont's in the Bible, but that's because I'm no match for God, and newsflash: neither are you (and if you heard me actually speaking this, that wasn't a mean tone, it was simply factual).

I just wish we would all get over our petty differences despite what we believe, stop secretly waiting for someone to mess up so we can all gather around and tell them how badly they screwed up and stop trying to change each other because we can't, only God can.

So let's just stop. And start over. Please. We all need a new beginning. A fresh start. It's worth it. Throw away our tally scores and call it quits. Let's stop pretending it's all in our minds and start looking at real life. Maybe then we'd get someplace.

why hide in the shadows?
you clever eye
don't let them see
what youre really like

wheres your true colors?
you claim theyre there
i don't see them
will anyone ever?

when i look at you
why am i there?
aren't i me?
and aren't you, you?

i guess we're alike
more than we thought
i found the connecting sea
that reaches both shores

let's go.